i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Found your dick twin last night
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Randomize
