my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
