Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
