So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize