don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
