I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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