I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
