Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
