I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
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