Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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