i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
