booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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