If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
