her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
