I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
