Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
