just tell him i said nine months
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
