So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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