pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
