Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
