My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
