Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
