you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
