Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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