I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
