dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
