Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
