Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
