I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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