I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
