why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize