oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
