the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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