ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
