I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
