the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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