Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
