I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
