he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
