my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
