You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
