I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
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