I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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