Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
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