friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
