WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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