How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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