my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Everything about him screamed your future.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
