Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
