Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
