I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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