So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My vagina is officially offended.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
