i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
