Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Randomize
